Pause in time

27 Mar

Pause in time




Two weeks of the semester left

Seventeen days until I leave the country


One week since I fell to lust

One month since I fell to porn


A summer abroad

A summer apart from friends


Soon one year of college remains

Soon life will start to change


Nine days since my birthday

Nine days since I turned twenty-one


Six days short of five months writing

Six days short and almost halfway done



Love, wanted?

27 Mar

Love, wanted?




Do I really want love?

A love that is sacrificial

A love that is selfless

A love that strives for perfection

A love that hurts


Or do I want something less?

Simple kisses to sexual intercourse, both physical manifestations of lust

A selfish desire for the cure of life

A cure for loneliness, a way for fulfillment, a sense of belonging


Much of romance simply exists as a code of conduct in certain culture

The social constructs such as roses for the female or a kiss goodnight for the man

All a dance between two individuals bound by society


Is our current culture getting it wrong?

Is there more than just first dates

More than just casual sex

More than just making out

More than just using another person as an means to an end


Two beings selflessly pursuing one other

Two beings putting the other before themselves

Two beings complementing each other

Two beings becoming one


Ideas good on paper, but seem incongruous with reality

When push comes to shove, too often kissing prevails over selfless restraint

The desire for intimacy, however shallow, blinds one from self control


But is it worth it?

The few moments of satisfied lust compared with the lasting pain?

Nights spent asking why it didn’t work

Why relationships seem to burn intensely, but oh so quickly?


We want quick fixes, rather than long journeys

Short term solutions to long term problems

Making out for a few days, rather than waiting for the life long commitment

Then lamenting over the loneliness of being single


All of this a small problem in the journey called life


Pondering Productivity

27 Mar

Pondering Productivity




Thunder cracks outside my window

As I sit inside typing while time passes

As I sit raking my brain for inspiration


I could be productive

Clean up the apartment

Do my taxes

Study more


But what makes something productive?

It is up to my opinion

Or is it an external parameter?



27 Mar



3-29-15 Palm Sunday


When errands pile up

I cannot do them on my own

When papers come due

I cannot do them on my own

When friends conflict

I cannot do anything on my own

When the future is unsure

I cannot go forth on my own


I need You.


In wealth and poverty

In valleys, mountaintops and the times between

In sickness and health

In trials and temptations


I need You.


When I feel confident

When I feel overwhelmed

When I feel guilty

When I feel content

When I feel stressed

When I feel calm


I need You.


Identity questions

27 Mar

Identity questions




Who am I?


What are my desires

What are my weakness

What are my strengths

What are my failures


Who am I?


In what do I find my identity?


Rain part 2

27 Mar

Rain part 2




The rain is a refreshing reminder that the seasons change

The dead of winter turns into awakening spring with the cold rain’s kiss


That smell of crisp cool rain

That cool, yet not cold breeze

The slightly wet, but not soaked ground

The pit pat softly outside my window

Oh how I love the rain

Themes of life

27 Mar

Themes of life





Generosity is godly

Greed is of the flesh

The two fight for prominence



Entertainment is easy

Productivity is harder

Balance is key



Natural desires arise

Tainted by the stain of lust

Is there a pure path?



Friends come and go

Some beneficial while others lead astray

Is it necessary to cut dead weight?



A fast to notice the ordinary

A time to step away

Will it lead to lasting change?



Neither a valley nor a mountaintop

Walking on middle ground

Striving to seek God during the normal time