Worst Case Scenario

31 Mar

Worst Case Scenario






What is the worst case scenario for her and I?

That we release bundled up emotion and go too far too fast?

I feel restraint preventing that possibility

I feel like past experience will prevent that pitfall

But help me be vigilant and on guard


What else?

That we will not end up together?

That would hurt, but I think it would be worth it

We have had some depth, but not enough for a great heart break

But maybe I will be proven wrong

Protect our hearts Lord


How about the one I both hope for, but feel least likely?

That we will end up dating, but realize we are not meant to be

That we spend significant amount of time only to say goodbye?

Yet You have plans

You use us to sharpen each other

Be our guide


Other pitfalls abound

Getting physically intimate

Clinging to spiritual attachment

Stressing over both major and minor issues

Having to say goodbye at graduation

Making the same old mistakes


However the future isn’t completely bleak

I haven’t kissed her yet

An optimistic hope lingers in my thoughts

I have changed

This can be different

Yes we are three years apart

Yes she is younger than my sister

Yes we barely know each other

But I showed some restraint

It doesn’t seem like much, but not kissing her was a good step


This relationship felt different

Knowing that we had a short time, then a break

Followed by the promise of more time

It helped to know I would see her again

It helped to realize I didn’t need to rush to be intimate

It still felt too fast

Going from meeting one day and cuddling a few days later

Yet it is slower than most of my previous relationships

No long deep talks about personal details

No extended make out sessions not wanting the night to end

Replaced by a drive for punctuality

Replaced by a understanding of dangerous places

Trespassing a little, but skirting the line so far


Physical attraction exists

Yet I hope for more

She seems to desire You

But I could be building that up to justify my desires


Unhealthy attachment worries me in the background

What if she ends being someone I want to help like before?

What if I guide her, but she doesn’t lead me to You?

That possibility worries me most

It seems the most likely

I want to date someone who complements me

Rather than I trying to bring them up


Will she be the one who I need not just who I want

Can she be one who complements

One who is already a strong Christian

One who helps rather than drag down

One whose calm tempers my excitement

One who has style, when I have none

One who helps in ministry, rather than distract

One who pushes me towards Christ


Is she too young to be a good match?

Does she still need time to grow on her own?

I see glimpses of good qualities as well as possible problems

Her youth could lead to unhealthy attachment

But her passion for kids could lead to a great partnership

Time will tell


The idea that she may need more time catches my attention.

Perhaps we could work out if I am distant for a while and let her grow

Instead of rushing into a relationship in her first semester, maybe waiting is better

Waiting till after Christmas and giving her time settle in

I don’t want to give her time and worry it will allow us to grow apart

But I trust that You have a plan

I trust that patience is good

I trust that intimacy is a reward for commitment


But what does giving space look like?

We have already cuddled

We have already acted like a couple

How do we step back?

I still want to spend time together

I really am excited for her to be on my sand volleyball team

But I also don’t want to say we aren’t dating and act like we are anyways

I don’t want to spend the next two months expecting romance right away

I don’t want show physical affection just because of mutual attraction

I don’t want to give distance then expect a great reunion

I want patience, wisdom, peace, trust, love and more



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