Worst Case Scenario
What is the worst case scenario for her and I?
That we release bundled up emotion and go too far too fast?
I feel restraint preventing that possibility
I feel like past experience will prevent that pitfall
But help me be vigilant and on guard
That we will not end up together?
That would hurt, but I think it would be worth it
We have had some depth, but not enough for a great heart break
But maybe I will be proven wrong
Protect our hearts Lord
How about the one I both hope for, but feel least likely?
That we will end up dating, but realize we are not meant to be
That we spend significant amount of time only to say goodbye?
Yet You have plans
You use us to sharpen each other
Be our guide
Other pitfalls abound
Getting physically intimate
Clinging to spiritual attachment
Stressing over both major and minor issues
Having to say goodbye at graduation
Making the same old mistakes
However the future isn’t completely bleak
I haven’t kissed her yet
An optimistic hope lingers in my thoughts
I have changed
This can be different
Yes we are three years apart
Yes she is younger than my sister
Yes we barely know each other
But I showed some restraint
It doesn’t seem like much, but not kissing her was a good step
This relationship felt different
Knowing that we had a short time, then a break
Followed by the promise of more time
It helped to know I would see her again
It helped to realize I didn’t need to rush to be intimate
It still felt too fast
Going from meeting one day and cuddling a few days later
Yet it is slower than most of my previous relationships
No long deep talks about personal details
No extended make out sessions not wanting the night to end
Replaced by a drive for punctuality
Replaced by a understanding of dangerous places
Trespassing a little, but skirting the line so far
Physical attraction exists
Yet I hope for more
She seems to desire You
But I could be building that up to justify my desires
Unhealthy attachment worries me in the background
What if she ends being someone I want to help like before?
What if I guide her, but she doesn’t lead me to You?
That possibility worries me most
It seems the most likely
I want to date someone who complements me
Rather than I trying to bring them up
Will she be the one who I need not just who I want
Can she be one who complements
One who is already a strong Christian
One who helps rather than drag down
One whose calm tempers my excitement
One who has style, when I have none
One who helps in ministry, rather than distract
One who pushes me towards Christ
Is she too young to be a good match?
Does she still need time to grow on her own?
I see glimpses of good qualities as well as possible problems
Her youth could lead to unhealthy attachment
But her passion for kids could lead to a great partnership
Time will tell
The idea that she may need more time catches my attention.
Perhaps we could work out if I am distant for a while and let her grow
Instead of rushing into a relationship in her first semester, maybe waiting is better
Waiting till after Christmas and giving her time settle in
I don’t want to give her time and worry it will allow us to grow apart
But I trust that You have a plan
I trust that patience is good
I trust that intimacy is a reward for commitment
But what does giving space look like?
We have already cuddled
We have already acted like a couple
How do we step back?
I still want to spend time together
I really am excited for her to be on my sand volleyball team
But I also don’t want to say we aren’t dating and act like we are anyways
I don’t want to spend the next two months expecting romance right away
I don’t want show physical affection just because of mutual attraction
I don’t want to give distance then expect a great reunion
I want patience, wisdom, peace, trust, love and more